Night Time
by Tillandae
Summary: Comfort, in the middle of the night, freely given and sometimes given away. The question is, when will that comfort be paid back? Future 12


Disclaimers: GW not mine...

Night Time

All my life I've been trying to figure out what was underneath the boy who calls himself 'Heero Yuy'. Even when he hides himself, I know that there's something in there. Something fragile. But to others he is the Perfect Soldier. Someone who takes out any mission without doubt, heads on to any facilities under fire even with just himself. Even some would go so far as to describe him as one who never feels. But even when he calls me the baka, even when I still haven't figured out the enigma that he represents, there's one thing that I do know. Heero Yuy is one who feels. Probably too much. If they'd just give him a chance. Stare at his eyes. Stare past the coldness. He's just lost as anybody else.

And who am I to decide, you ask? I'm one of those guys who never shut up. Annoying the living daylights out of him is what I do. One of those guys who never know when to give up. Coz I know that every glare, every scathing word that comes out of his mouth means that I'm finally getting through to him. He doesn't know how to deal with me. I'm not scared of him. He only does what he knows how to do every time I comfort him. He pushes back. He picks up whatever soft reassurance that I give and he throws it back out at me. He's never been programmed to deal with the better side of human beings before. But that does't mean that he does't have a good side of his own. That doesn't meant that he does't own his piece of innocence. It's there. Always was. One just gotta know where to look.

We have been sharing an apartment ever since the war ended. Never much saw the point on why we should start breaking the habits that let us survive through a war that was designed to destroy everything at its wake. That was why I probably got the chance to witness the walls of the Perfect Soldier crack. And it wasn't a pretty crack mind you. Guess I'm not the only one who still has to deal with his own set of demons.

Staring at the window. That was where Duo found him, lost to his own thoughts.

"Hey there, buddy!" He shouted over him not just to surprise him but to also announce that it was him sneaking around and not just some stupid pyschopath.

"Duo." Hmm. Conversationalist as ever.

"Watcha doing here Heero?"

"That is none of your business."

Expecting the rude reply, Duo decided just to let Heero's eyes speak for itself. Glaced over, the deathglare he was receiving wasn't at its full blown. The tears were captured there. Not falling down. Crying was a weakness. Crying was a priviledge that Heero didn't want to have. Only one thing could make the Perfect Soldier break like that, even for just one tiny bit.

"Nigtmare?" Duo knew that he wouldn't get a verbal answer for that one. But his posture was an answer all on its own.

Careful and aware of his own life, Duo walked up to him and gingerly put his hand over the stiffened shoulders. Not presumming, nor giving. Just merely there, to let him accept or refuse.

"Duo..." That sense of loss again. Such a whisper full of pain. But a permission to go further. And not one to waste time nor opportunity, Duo happily did so.

"Heero, you know you could count on me." With that he wrapped himself around the body of steel and suddenly felt the shivers that battered at his own soul. Reminding him of the time when a steel is put to too much pressure. It breaks.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Unexpectedly being interrupted from his own reverie, it took Duo more than a second to think of a reply.

"It hurts because you're a human. Just like the rest of us." Without even thinking about it, he tightened his hold onto the Perfect Soldier. To shield him. And protect.

"I don't see you breaking down. I don't see your masks slipping away."

"Maybe. But these masks are all that I have left. When you get past them, you'd be able to see what a broken mess I am."

"I see it." After that, there was nothing more. Jus a lessening of the tension. A sense of peace. Duo didn't know why hugging Heero could give him so much contentment. Maybe its because of the fact that there was this one boy who sees what Duo truly is.

Knowing that they were at the end of the conversation, Duo pulled Heero out of the window and into the bed. Not bothering to ask for permission, he gently pushed the boy into it and ordered him to lie down. Just as when he was preparing to go out the room and into his, he was called out again. Without turning, he let the other boy speak.

"Can you be with me? Just for a little while?"

He knew it would just break his heart to be turned down again later. He knew that when the morning comes, he'd be kicked out again. Beaten and broken. But that was a request he didn't have the heart to refuse.

"Anytime buddy. Anytime." He lied down on his side of the bed and pulled the other boy towards him. Letting the boy take whatever he wanted. Letting him take without giving back. That's what friends are for.

Nightmares. They're like a gate for your own demons. A portal for those that you haven't laid to rest. The ones that you haven't dealt with during the day. The ones that you avoid while awake. The ones that come to you in the middle of the night.

That was the main reason I carried myself here. Staring outside, just looking for something that doesn't scream of what was lost, helps the nigthmare retreat into the folds of my brain.

_Are you lost?_

That was my demon. Even I find it funny that all those examinations long ago had't stripped me of feeling. Funnier still that I let that one question haunt me during countless of sleepless nights. In the battlefield it was so easy to let the adrenaline take you over. The war doesn't require you to think outside the parameters of the mission. In it, the only thing important is to complete. Mission after mission. And to get out the same way you came from.

But here, inside a safehouse safe from prying eyes, keeping defenses from thoughts isn't an easy task. During the nights, that one scream from that one girl visited me. Giving me gifts wrapped up in doubts, frolicking in and out of my vission. Only to leave me sweating and out of breath afterwards. She always arrive in special moments, arriving from the gates of my imagination. Right after a mistake that one of the five of us made. Always from accidents so like the one that took her life.

_Are you lost?_

"Hey there, buddy!" That unsurprisingly came from Duo. Who could mistake him from anyone else? His enthusiasm, his liveliness, for things separates him from everyone.

"Duo." One word. That was all I could repay for the warmth that he gave behind his usual greeting.

But he did't let that faze him. Instead he tried instead for another kind of tactic that even he must surely know would defenitely not work. Asking what I was doing. He knew that I could only manage a few friendly words when I'm in a better mood. He got what he was asking for. "That is none of your business."

A flash of hurt came through his eyes, making me regret the words that came out of my mouth. But he still didn't let that one rude reply get to him. When Duo Maxwell decides that he wants something, Duo Maxwell surely gets it. And when he knows that I'm trying to fight of my demons, he helps. He's the only one I could tolerate after a fight with my inner thoughts. Probably because of the fact that he has his own demons to contend with as well.

"Nightmare?" How can he make such one word sound as if he's offering peace for this battered soldier? I don't know. All that I knew was that I can't refuse whatever he's offering. I didn't have the heart to.

And after that, arrived the few soft murmurings. Simple questions that were answered. In the middle of the night, when the storm has passed, he decided to leave. I couldn't bear the thought. I asked him to stay.

He did.

I knew that I was taking from him. But it has gone beyond my ability to control these impulses, these burried longings. In his arms, I found safety.

The promise to repay him all of the things he'd given accompanied me through my sleep.

_When I find myself, I'll come to you._


End file.
